PRANKS FOR NOTHING

I work for a well-advertised business in Northern California. TV advertisements for the company run multiple times daily. In addition to the TV exposure, the business has a uniquely memorable phone number. So between the TV ads and the easy to remember phone number, we get a lot of business. And a lot of prank phone calls.Usually it is my job to check the voicemail for messages. We usually get about 10-15 prank calls a day. And on the weekends, when the office is closed, we get a ton of prank calls. (Real cowards!) I checked messages earlier and of 42 messages, only 5 were legitimate business calls. That means we got 37 PRANK PHONE CALLS in less than 24 hours. That is pathetic.

Now you might think that most of the pranksters are youngsters. And many of them are. Their cheesy calls for pizza orders and attempts at humor are annoying, but not the end of the world. More of the young people calling though with a hankering for a prank these days are using violent and sexually suggestive language in their pranks. This is disturbing. When an 11 year old voice leaves a message either in person or on the machine that is of a distinctly sexual nature, something has gone terribly wrong in this child's life. I know kids, especially teenagers, need a chance to rebel. And prank phone calls are probably one of the safest ways for kids to do that. I understand. But when the prank phone call is stuff that I, as a 41 year old male, wouldn't even say in public, then I think there's a problem.

You might also think that all of the pranksters are young. You'd be wrong. I am repeatedly shocked at how many adult voices leave nonsense and derogatory messages on our voicemail. Sure, I get a few heavy breathers. But the business also gets random death threats and extremely graphic descriptions of bedroom behavior. Don't these adults have better things to do with their lives then to leave anonymously nasty messages? I am embarrassed for them. Maybe they think they are being funny or clever. Trust me, when you leave a prank message as an adult, you are only being pathetic.

I wonder if anyone has ever done a scholarly study on the changing content of prank phone calls. I bet it would be a fascinating study. And I would guess that the content has become much more graphic over the years. It brings a whole new meaning to using the phone to reach out and touch someone.

SCREAMS OF THE FATHER

I yelled at a man today. Screamed at him, actually. In a hotel lobby. And 12 hours later, I still haven't gotten over it. The anger still courses through me. I'm not sure why I got so angry. I even apologized to the guy for my outburst 5 minutes later. Still, I don't think my anger was unjustified. When it comes to my emotions, I feel very insecure, inexperienced. Maybe most men do. It all started when my family was trying to check out of our hotel room after a weekend retreat for work. Families were invited and the boss was paying for the room on the company credit card. Somehow the lady behind the front desk was unwilling to charge the room to the company credit card. So while we were trying to resolve the matter, my son Parker, who is every bit the toddler of 2.5 years old, got bored and frustrated. He started screaming. Parker is and has always been a screamer. It's hard to be the parent of a screamer. The dirty looks you get from others. The "why can't you control your child" glares. And the way it makes you think, why can't I control my child? To be honest, I don't completely know why my son screams. I know part of it is because he is in the "terrible twos." But he screamed at younger ages, too, so that is not the full answer. Another element is he is a strong willed child, and his boredom led him to react in a strong willed way. Part of it is also a result of his disability. His therapists tell us that his Cerebral Palsy has left him with sensory deprivation. Screaming is a way to jolt his system when he needs it. But of course, people unfamiliar with Parker don't know this. Including the man I yelled at today. He, too, was waiting in the lobby. After about three loud screams from Parker, he had had enough and yelled at him. I immediately blew my top. I screamed at him...LOUD...in front of a lot of people in the hotel lobby. "Don't yell at my son," I hollered. "He has Cerebral Palsy and he screams because he can't control himself. So DON'T YELL AT MY SON." The guy remained silent, I think shocked at my outburst. Believe me, screaming and yelling is not my modus operandi. It's very rare that I would raise my voice like that to a complete stranger. But something snapped. I had to walk outside for a few minutes to calm down. I still need to calm down from it. My wife was glad I yelled at him. She says I need to work at not bottling up my emotions, instead letting them out. Even in crowded hotel lobbies. So why am I still so worked up about it? Why did I feel the need to apologize? And why does my son have to scream? All ongoing questions for another day, I suppose.